The Crispy Mermaid
by MakoxZuko
Summary: Read to see what really would have happened if Ariel didn't listen to her father. [I hate Ariel, so this is obviously how I wished the movie happened. Parody].


Trumpets, horns, and bells erupted from the ocean's bottom, enclosing the MerKingdom in an orchestrated shell. Fish upon fish gathered around the Scallop Shell Stage with smiles plastered on their faces as fins flapped around in the water. The hunt for the best spot was about to begin, with all the participates pushing and shoving to get to the front row. A decedent glimmer reflected off a few tails, and the sound of voices slowly breaking the obnoxious brass-filled music. A wave of excitement cascaded over the crowd with the arrival of the royal seahorse advisor. Dressed in his usual attire, an outfit that slightly resembled a purple coffee filter, which complimented his orange complexion, he mentally practiced his speech. Mountains of nazzly words soared out of his mouth, introducing the MerKing in a spirited fashion.

"The Royal Court would like to announce the one, the only, King Triton!" Without warning, the orchestra was lifted from their present position as the ocean sand began to disintegrate, producing a mass encasement of fog. Each member was jostled to their backside and heaved off of the platform. Enormous  
stereo equipment broke through the surface, creating a thunderous roar throughout the the kingdom. A muffled melody escaped from the stereos, producing the infamous "Space Jam" theme song. King Triton emerged from backstage, seated in his ever so famous Clam Mobile, waved his triton to and fro, flexed his pecs, flipped his gorgeous, pure, gray locks, and floated down to his righteous throne, smack dab in the middle of the stage. Flashes of light pierced the MerKings silhouette as he bounced out of the carriage, slowly revealing his strong bod.

"Welcome everyone to the most important day of your insignificant lives. My beautiful daughters have all reached the ripe age of marriage and will begin courtship as soon as your applause commences." Confetti explored from the Clown Fish Cannons just in time to meet the celebratory cheers. Triton gave his advisor the smile of approval while gliding his pointing device towards the right stage entrance, patiently giving the audience a wink. The seahorse mustered up all of his energy and raced into the entrance. Out of breath, he gave the King's daughters the queue, a common "thumbs up" symbol.

"Ok, time to shine, princesses." The oldest of the seven spoke out. She lead the group out, with her nose up in the air, her ocean-colored tail at a slight curl, and her brunette hair pulled into a ponytail fashion. The remaining followed suit, dressed in their own respective colors of the rainbow. As the oldest reached her father, she halted and faced the crowd, shimmering in the ocean front. Each girl proceeded to find their places, signaling the King to begin.

"I would like to introduce you to Aquata," the King carefully moved behind his oldest daughter, continuing on his path as he said the princesses' names, " Andrina, Arista, Attina, Adella, Alana, and-Ariel?!" The final princess was not present on the final resting spot. Silence roamed throughout the audience with a small hint of murmurs in the distance. The King glanced over to his advisor, only to notice him dimly laying on the exit floorboards. Where was his youngest daughter? How could the royal court let her just disappear? What will the kingdom think of this negligence? So many questions, but so little answers!

"ARIEL!" King Triton hollowed out into the open. This was not how he imagined his plan to go.

X

"So much agony and angst! I can't bare to stand it!" Wisps of fire engine red hair glistened in the salt water as a tail, slightly resembling the color of seaweed, skid to a stop. The youthful mermaid pressed the back of her hand to her forehead and threw her head back in a whirl of emotion. "The world down here is so boring and lifeless. I wish daddy understood my random outbursts of struggle."

"Ariel, you do realize that we're supposed to be at-"

"Flounder, does this really look like a good time to interrupt my thought-provoking anecdote? I need a little less yapping and your air hole needs to be shut." The yellow and blue striped gubby glared at his companion, cursing her under his breath. The two "friends" continued to swim straight. Upon reaching a drop off, they noticed a wrecked figure in the distance, shadowed by a thick, black fog. Sails were tattered and torn on top of the lookout post and planks lay scattered around the area, broken into small pieces, while the remaining half stuck onto the hull. A massive hole gaped open right in the center of the body.

"Look! A pirate ship! I bet I could find some pretty interesting things in there! Maybe even a handsome, human groom for myself" Ariel dashed toward the opening and pulled a random bag out of nowhere, a likely place to store her awaiting treasures.

"Ariel! Stop! Why are you so stupid…?" Her fish-friend yelled after her. Without a better option, Flounder decided to quickly follow her into the unknown. A coldness embraced him as he struggled to find the mermaid. Little wisps of light shone through the bottom deck, producing a mysterious void. Nothing seemed to move, except there was a constant quaking and cracking noise with each _swish_ Flounder took. Moss was growing on the walls and picture frames were knocked over onto their side, barely attached to their original resting place.

"Ariel.." Flounder called out. His voice stuttered and his words shook. In the corner of his eye, he caught a beam soar across the room. Panic washed over him like a tidal wave, and he was suddenly frozen in place.

"HA! Got you!" Flounder mustered a scream as Ariel rapidly approached him. The sudden surprise jolted him in terror, but scareness was soon replaced with anger. He had enough of the mermaids antics, jokes, and just plain stupidity.

"That's it, I'm out of here!" The guppy fumed, his face slowly turning the color of Ariel's hair, and he dashed out of the pirate ship.

Ariel called out, "Oh come on Flounder, take a joke. You're so easily scared all of the time. Learn to live a little."

"You are one to be talking" A bass voice bellowed out into the halls of the sunken ship. A silhouette of another mermaid emerged from the shadows, coming towards his youngest daughter. A scowl rested on his aging face and his triton pointed towards the destroyed ceiling as he locked eyes with Ariel's wide expression.

"Daddy, how did you get here?" Ariel inquired her father. "How did you find me?"

"To be honest with you Ariel, I have no idea. One minute I was screaming into the ocean sky, and the next I'm standing in a creepy corridor. Your guess is as good as mine." The MerKing postulated over his recent teleportation experience. "Why are you not at the ceremony? You do realize this was all for you, right? Right?"

"I must have forgotten."

"I _told_ you it was on your sixteenth birthday. What kind of idiot forgets their own sixteenth birthday?!" King Triton's voice boomed throughout the sunken ship.

"Uhh…"

"Nevermind. I might as well be talking to a sea anemone right now. Let's just get this over with." He grabbed one of Ariel's hands and dragged her from behind. The force of his adjoining hand caused Ariel to cry out in pain. Tears began to form in her eyes, and a soft sob whimpered out of her mouth. Within seconds, a full out tantrum broke out from the young mermaid as she rapidly snatched her hand out of her father's clutches.

"NO Daddy! I am tired of living under your harsh, erotic rules and I want to explore my own destiny! I know the path I must take in order to create my perfect future, and it does not include your crazy antics."

"What are you talking about? Stop being so angsty and try to act normal for once." Ariel was finished listening to her father's demands. All of her life she had to obey by his orders and continue is his line of duty. Even though she was obviously the favorite child, she felt as if he did not understand her. With a burst of energy, she soared against the salt water and forced her way to the top of the ocean, without looking back to see her father boil with rage.

"Are you serious? After all of that buildup! Well, hopefully she'll thicken the plot, if I'm lucky."

X

The sun had already set an hour earlier, and light was replaced by darkness. Ariel laid herself, fins and all, on a rock that jutted out from the shallow waters. Her voluminous red hair waved gently in the wind, in a perfect pattern because she was apparently perfect. She was practically bathing in her own self-pity, most likely wishing harm on her father. The sound of fireworks and celebrations filled the open ocean, creating a small beam of light in the distance. Ariel continued to concentrate on her hatred for her father, even though he was only trying to show her the errors in her ways, completing ignoring the impending noise. A ship broke the horizon and steered towards the rock Ariel took residence on as she was too distracted on her thoughts to even notice the sudden change in sound dynamics. The ship grew in size as its path remained the same, specifically targeting Ariel. However, she was still oblivious to the obvious change in scenery, most likely rolling around in angst and wild emotions.

"Hey! Up here!" A voice called out from the party ship, breaking the celebratory activities aboard. Ariel snapped out of her daze and glanced over at the object that was now a mere fifty feet away from her and the festivities commenced, once more. Her eyes fixed upon the most dreamy, gorgeous man she had ever seen. His thick black hair was styled in a handsome manner and appeared glossy in the firelight. He wore a shirt that slightly showed off his impeccable chest muscles, that happened to matched his tan skin. His chiseled features could easily cut wood, but the most important feature of them all, to Ariel, was the fact that he was sporting a pair of human legs.

"This must be my moment to shine!" Without thinking properly, as usual, Ariel began her journey to the ship. She somehow managed to climb the side of the vessel, which was never accurately explained. She peered from the opening of the railing over to her true love, and instantly thought of unique names for their future children.

"My prince, would you like to demonstrate your newly discovered abilities?" A sudden old, wrangly voice broke Ariel from her trance and now she was staring at a tall, thin, and shriveled old man. He looked very proper with his fold in tie and cuffed, eggplant colored jacket, which was not very appealing on his figure. So he happens to be a prince? Even better.

"Certainly." The prince took a torch off of the hook that kept it in place and started to flail his arms all around. The fire danced in the moonlight and whipped in a circle, struggling to keep up with the prince. Without warning, the fire collided into his shirt and produced a massive flame, which enabled the prince to drop the torch, right on the wooden deck. The flammable wooden deck. The prince patted his charred shirt in order to substeed the flame, but it was too late. The fire spread throughout the ship and panic washed over the crew. Ariel covered her mouth to tame her gasp as terror and wails filled the area. The hull of the ship slowly tilted upwards, similar to the Titanic, but at a much faster rate. The prince mustered out a high-pitched scream and desperately tried to escape. Distracted by the growing flames, he tripped over a strategically placed rope and a cracking sound rose out of his ankle. Little teardrops glistened in his eyes, which made Ariel fall even more deeply in love with him, if that was even possible.

"Jackpot!" Ariel pushed herself on top of the deck and pulled her entire mermaid body towards him. As she approached him, she noticed his eyes were shut and his breath was staggered. With all of her mermaid strength, she threw him onto her back and jumped overboard, barely escaping the next dose of fire. She swam to shore with incredible speeds, it was as if no one actually saw her place the prince on the beach, which was conveniently next to what was presumed to be his palace. Once she made sure he was breathing properly, she cascaded back into the ocean, just as the sun began to rise.

X

"This is absolutely incredible! My luck has finally turned around and I met the man I'm going to marry! I can't-Flounder, are you even listening to me?"

"Huh? What? Oh yeah, of course." Flounder and Ariel returned to their secret hideout in the middle of an underwater cave. Diamonds, mirrors, and different treasures lined the surface with several variations of each item present. Ariel was bursting with energy, recalling her memories of her earlier encounter with a certain human, while Flounder was wasting his time reading the Fish Inquirer. They were an unlikely pair of friends, but they somehow made it work.

"I can't seem to express my current emotions to you by just talking them out, so allow me to elaborate, through a song!" Ariel gleamed as she mentally rehearsed the lyrics she had prepared right after her mighty rescue. She only created them in less than half of an hour, but she was willing to test them out.

"Ariel, that's not the best idea. We already have time restraints. We should probably speed this-" Flounder was brutally cut off by a string of high-pitched, off key notes that were followed by atrocious dynamics. For the next three minutes, Ariel belted out her original work, which included, but was not limited to, dramatic dance moves, off rhythm notes, and a horrible tempo change. It was as if she was making all of this up as she went on.

"Wish I could be…" Her final phrase began as she floated downwards from the top of the cave.

"Umm, are you ok, Ariel?

"Clam it Flounder, this is my big moment," Ariel hesitated and resumed her entrance "part of your, woooooorld." she ascended downward to the sea bed and gently curled up in the fetal position. Small hysterics protruded from the rugged creature while Flounder stared at the mermaid in utter disbelief.

"What is the meaning of this nonsense?" King Triton randomly appeared, once again, in the hideout. His upper lip quivered, his eyes bulged out of their sockets, and his trusty triton glowed in the cave. Ariel was over all of this crap her father presented to her. She finally had enough.

"I met a boy. A human boy. And I'm going to marry him whether you like it or not." Ariel collected her courage and spit out her words to her father.

"Oh really, and who is this said human?" The king's annoyance slightly spilled out of his tone.

"He's a _prince._ " Her sentences could not stop flowing out of her mouth.

"And does he have a name?"

Her sudden confidence was struck down at the apparent question. How could she be so stupid! She forgot to ask him his own friggin' name. "Hmm, good question. We'll have loads to talk about once we're married, including telling each other our names." Ariel mumbled the end of her declaration and could not believe the mess she had gotten herself into with her father.

"How could you be so stupid! "You don't even know his name!"

"S-so?"

"This is preposterous! I forbid you to ever go ashore again, do you hear me? I am through with your self troubles and emotional breakdowns over the most stupid things anyone could possibly imagine."

"That's it. I'm out of here!" Ariel sped past her father and Flounder, off to run away, once more.

"This is going to end horribly."

X

The sun's rays were exceptionally warm this afternoon, burning any occupant on the palace's private beach. Seagulls gauced and screeched at any given moment on the shore line. One bird in particular noticed a peculiar smell, something along the lines of cooked salmon. The bird swooped down onto the beach and pecked at a green fin, covered by the hoarse sand. Fire engine hair was matted against a face of a teenager, who was most likely once filled with angst and hatred. As she stalked her way towards the palace to find her true love, she did not take into account of the fact that she could not survive on dry land. After her failed attempt, she passed out on the beach, dehydration taking her to the depths of the unknown. Ariel had become one heck of a crispy mermaid.

"That's just terrible. I mean, who'd think the girl would have listened to her father after the first warning, but now the story has fallen apart. The little red crab and the sea witch didn't even get to make their appearance because of the little mermaid."

"The who's a what?" Two merpeople bobbed on top of the water, facing the direction of Ariel's decaying corpse. They decided to converse in Ariel's unfortunes and mistakes.

"I'm trying to help you understand the story a little better. You see, her story was actually supposed to play out like this." The male mermaid constructed an epic tale of a young mermaid who falls in love with a human and basically sells her soul to an evil octopus in exchange for human legs. His female counterpart listened in about halfway through the story, but eventually gave up on following along.

"That has got to be one of the most shallow stories I ever heard of. The mermaid had everything she could ever ask for, but she wanted more. Just because she was sixteen doesn't mean she knows everything. She should have listened to her father instead."

"Thank you! Someone finally agrees with me!" The pair headed off back towards the kingdom, leaving behind the tail ends of the little, ungrateful, mermaid.


End file.
